Earlier today someone sent me a little news
item where Alec Baldwin said that kissing
Jennifer Aniston was painful. He was joking of
course, because if he isn't, I'm willing to fly to
wherever "30 Rock" is being filmed and stand
in for him.
There are some situations that call for the
Chairman's expertise, and this could be one
of them. If he can't handle the job, I'm ready
to go at a moment's notice. I'll even waive my
standard fee for appearances, which is pretty
high.
Because sometimes only a real man will do,
and Jennifer Aniston seems to go for the Girlyman
types. Now compared to Brad Pitt and John Mayer,
Baldwin is a real stud. But if you compare Baldwin
to me...well...sorry to be the one to bring the bad
news Alec, but it's the Chairman in a landslide. Why
...I do believe I would get a higher percentage of the
popular vote than even Obama.
And all this talk about Bamelot is just plain silly.
Once Jennifer Aniston meets the Chairman, it's all
over for the Girlymen. That would be Brad Pitt and
John Mayer. Whatever you say about Baldwin,
(and I abhor his politics), he ain't no Girlyman. He's
the only man I know with almost as much hair on his
chest as me. (And Robin Williams, who is almost
half ape.)
Just kidding.
So even if we're on different sides of the fence
politically, we have a common bond. Neither one
of us will ever have to belong to the Hair Club for
Men.I mean, if either one of us ever went bald, all
they have to do is cut a strip off our backs, and
we're good to go.
None of that transferring a few hair plugs at a
time for us. Just cut a big strip like in the sod
business, roll it out, and lay it down.
Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever watched
"30 Rock."
Maybe now that Baldwin has admitted how painful
it was to do those scenes I'll have to catch it.
But my offer still stands. Alec, if you can't handle the
pressure, if kissing Jennifer Aniston gets to be too
much, just call the Chairman.
I have a plane standing by.
From the big saddle,
Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board
P.S. If anybody else out there in Hollywood needs
a stand in, just send in the name of your co-star,
and I'll evaluate the situation.
thejamesrwhelanagency.com
206 407 3124
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