April 2008 Archives

Every time I need a good laugh, I always turn to
a book that contains thousands of stupid things
people have said. It never fails as a pick me up.

There is a special sports section that always
gets me, and I've read it at least fifty times.

Today's gem was, "Left hand, right hand, it
doesn't matter. I amphibious." Those words were
spoken by former North Carolina basketball star
Charles Shackleford.

Or the anonymous tourist who asked a lifeguard,
"Which beach is closest to the water?"

How about this one, asked of a travel planner.
"If you go to a restaurant in Idaho...and you don't
wan't any kind of potato with your meal, will they
get upset and ask you to leave?"

Former Washington, D.C., mayor Marion Berry
has some jewels. The first is,"What we have here is
an egregious miscarriagement of taxitude."

"The contagious people of Washington have stood
firm against diversity during this long period of inclement
weather."

I miss old Marion. There isn't anybody as
unintentionally funny as he used to be.

The title of today's piece was something Yogi
Berra said about Steve McQueen.

Everybody needs a little help shedding the blues at
times. This book has always worked for me.

So has calling a friend who always makes me laugh,
or getting out one of the old classicly funny movies.

There are comedy channels on radio, and on television.

Then there is the King...Larry the Cable Guy.

He's funny...I don't care who you are.

I watched a biography of Larry the Cable Guy a few
weeks back. He may just be the hardest working man
in show business. He wasn't an overnight sensation.
He put in ten years on the road before he caught a big
break, and then put in another three years before stardom
came calling.

Now he's the number one act in America, hauling in
$500,000 a night. He doesn't have to dress up either.
He just goes to a tractor supply store, buys some cheap
shirts, and rips off the sleeves.

So there isn't any reason to go around like an old
sourpuss. Find a simple cure, like I did, and like
scores of other people.

The more you laugh, the longer you live.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. If you want your business to be Number One
with a bullet, contact us at: jamesrwhelanageny.com,
or call us at 206 407 3124.

There's an old saying, "Necessity is the
mother of invention."

If you go back and check records of some
of the biggest businesses in America, you'll
find out that many of them were started in very
tough times.

The same thing is true with many successful
small businesses. The vast majority of business
done in this country is with businesses that gross
$50 million dollars or less. Those businesses actually
dwarf the mega businesses.

I started this business four years ago when almost
everyone thought I should stick with what I was doing.
But I thought differently, and so do a lot of others.

Interest in small business is at an all time high. Many
folks are looking for a second income to supplement
what they already earn.

Why is that?

Because they want financial freedom.

Many of these second businesses will take years
to grow, and some will fail. Only a handful will skyrocket
to riches. But the more people are dissatisfied, the more
necessity becomes the mother of invention.

On a good television show on CNBC you can watch
Monday through Friday at 10 PM who all these dreamers
and believers are. The stories are fascinating, and I can't
look away once the program starts.

It really should be required viewing in high schools
and universities. All the people on the show have the
entreprenurial spirit, including the host, who did pretty
well for himself in business before moving to television.

All these people faced many obstacles, but they
came through and became successful by remaining true
to their dream.

What we need right now is more dreamers. They don't
care about bad credit, housing crunches, business
climates, and all that other stuff that used to be called
excuses.

Support small businessmen whenever you can. They
are the lifeblood of the country.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. I just barely arrived home and I'm on
the road again Friday. But this what I signed up for.

Contact the Cowboys at: thejamesrwhelanagency.com,
or call us at 206 497 3124.

So the big Pennsylvania primary is over and
essentially nothing has changed at all. Obama
is still ahead, and all the real skilled vote counters
can't figger out how Hillary can win, and they
have run many a scenario.

But yet ole Hill raised somewhere up to 10 million
buckaluckas in the last 24 hours. This is sorta like
the old gold rush, where a guy finds one good nugget and 20,000 people follow him into the valley.

She can't win.

It's that simple, but the Clintons won't get out. T
hey want a chance to say to the Super Delegates
that Bro' Barack will be a disaster in November.
The fact that both of them are a disaster doesn't
seem to be on either's minds.

McCain may be old, but he has a lot more sense
than either one of these two, even if you combined
their good qualities. This ain't ta say Big John hasn't
been on the wrong side of some issues, notably
immigration, where miscalculation doesn't begin to
explain his point of view.

But you don't hear Big John talking about billions
and billions of new social programs that no one has
any idea how to pay for. Hells bells, we don't even
know how to pay for what's already on the table.

And this "change" thing is starting to annoy me.
What changes? When are we going to make them?
How much are they going to cost?

Hillary says will will fight for the working class when
she gets elected. She says you can count on her to
be a difference maker. But it doesn't mean anything if
you can't get the nomination of your own party.

It's over, and it will be painful for her when the Super
Delegates vote for Obama, who will of course be a
disaster. He may even surpass the Carter debacle,
which is still running in the Middle East.

The smart strategy would be to get out, sit it out,
and watch Obama lose to McCain, then get ready
for 2012. Democrats don't like to vote for candidates
who have already been in the ring and lost, which is
why we hain't heard from Kerry, or Gore. By pulling
the plug now, ole Hill will be in position for another
go round.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. I'll be doing a ho bunch of travelin' in the
coming weeks, and The Whelanator will be making
appearances in Tampa, Washington, NYC, just to
name a few. I'm startin' ta feel a little bit like Elizabeth
Taylor with all the stuff I have to haul around. But The
Whelanator can't be seen in the same tuxedo two days
in a row. It's not good for the image.

As always, you can contact us at: www.thejamesrwhelanagency.com,
or call us at 206 407 3124.

I have written about Big Bill before, but I guess
he didn't get the last memo. Now I will tell you
this isn't a Keith Olberman type of disagreement,
and O'Reilly has many more hits than misses,
and generally I like his program. But when he starts
acting like a liberal elitist Democrat, I have to get
my say.

Last night you would have thought he was
Nancy Pelosi as he ranted and raved about Big Oil,
and he betrayed his picayune knowledge of what is
driving up the price of oil.

He doesn't like to see big profits, especially from
the oil companies. He doesn't mind seeing himself
at the top of the totem pole, but whoa be unto any
American company that is too successful.

Most companies drew a lesson many years ago
from Microsoft. The brief history of Microsoft's troubles
is that the poorly performing CEO's in the computer
field could not compete with Microsoft on the field of
battle, so they went crying to Congress and the courts
about "unfair trade practice." What the boards of these
companies should have done is fire them, but they did
what boards do, which is get paid for nothing.

Congress, who never misses a chance to meddle
where it knows nothing, got involved, and liberal
Democratic judges woke up from their deep sleep to
side with the companies that didn't know how to market,
negotiate a deal, or compete in the open market. The
rational was that Microsoft was doing too well, so they
should be penalized.

This exactly the same attitude that the European
community is now taking toward U.S. companies.
They are too big and too successful, and therefore
they don't want them in Europe.

While O'Reilly was ranting about Big Oil not building
any refineries in the U.S., he conveniently forgot that
t was Congress who made it almost impossible to get
one built. No company is going to spend ten to twenty
times more than what it is worth to build anything, including
refineries.

Congress has also refused to let Big Oil drill in its
own backyard, where not one, but two of the largest
oil fields in the world are located. It would take twenty
years just to get past all the idiotic environmental
regulations before the digging could even start.

And here is the astonishing thing.

Bottled water is more expensive than gasoline.
We get that right here, straight out of the ground,
or spring, and by the time it gets to the consumer
it is way more expensive than oil.

Those greedy bottled water operations are criminal,
just criminal.

Oil, drilled in the Middle East, is put in barrels, or
in the holds of enormous cargo ships, and sent on
a long journey to the U.S. to be refined. Not only is
it refined, we have to make upwards of 40 different types
of gasoline to meet all the differing standards between
states. Then it has to be shipped again, and every step
in the process it is taxed.

And after all that, bottled water is more expensive, and we
are buying it like it's going out of style. Is anyone complaining?

No! I haven't heard a peep. Nary a one.

O'Reilly likes his act a liitle too much sometimes. He
may have been just a regular guy once, just like
Bruce Sprigsteen was a struggling musician once. The
Boss now has 500 million dollars, so he's hardly a
working class guy anymore.

This ranting and raving against the oil companies is
so O'Reilly can position himself as a working class
stiff from Long Island. Bill hasn't been a working class
stiff in a long time. He is a very successful businessman,
and his show commands the highest advertising dollar in
television.

Let's propose a windfall tax on that, and see what he says.

I'll bet he is already composing a new tune.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. If you haven't dropped in at: thejamesrwhelanagency.com,
it's high time you did. You can see plenty of pictures of me
as I travel around the globe, bringing the tuxedoed cowboy to
the far reaches of the earth. And you can always call 206 407 3124.

More economists are now predicting doom
and gloom for the economy. In fact, in a
recent poll 51% of economists were
"Notably downbeat."

It's a good thing that most people don't know
any of these guys, and even fewer know what
the hell they are talking about.

I, for one, still haven't figured out exactly
what economists do, other than make fancy
charts and graphs that usually don't mean
anything, except to other economists.

I once attended a speech given by a famous
economist at a large political gathering. It was
my first time to a conference of this sort, so I
didn't know enough to go to breakfast, or spend
some time working out.

The speech was in a big room, and there were
maybe about a hundred wonk looking folks in
the room. There was a big screen on the right
of the speaker, and sure enough, he flashed lots
of charts and graphs. He also had a lot of trouble
flashing the right charts and graphs up on the screen.
He was either a couple of graphs ahead, or a
couple of graphs behind. After about an hour of this
I couldn't take it anymore, and got up and left.

Walking into the hallway I was met by a couple of
friends who were incredulous that I had been listening
to this guy speak. One did a spot on imitation of
what I had just seen.

The other stated "You could have more fun
watching paint peel."

That was the last time I paid any attention to
an economist.

Most of these guys are "the glass is half empty"
types, and in business you don't need that type
of guy around. Which is why they are perfect for
think tanks and universities, which do a helluva
lotta talking but never accomplish much.

When I started this company, everybody told me
it wasn't a good time to start a business, with one
notable exception, who said, "If you believe it's time
to start, then it's time to start."

I started, and I've never looked back.

And what about Smart Money?

Ain't no such thing.

Just look at the real estate debacle. All those
Ivy League guys with the business school MBA's
aren't loking very good now, are they?

Smart Money is an empty suit, or an old corduroy
jacket with elbow patches, and a pocket protecter.

People with good sense follow their own drummer,
and don't spend much time fretting about, like your
average economist. They prepare to do business,
no matter what is happening around them.

They adapt, and improvise, just like Marines.

And go forward.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. I'ma a gonna be in Washington this weekend,
speakin' my mind to a good number of movers and
shakers. I'll be wearin' my brand new tuxedo, and I
might even meet the President, who'll be attending
this event.

In any event I'll be seeing a number of Congress people,
big wigs in the press, and some Hollywooders. Sounds
just like a place The Whelanator should be on a Saturday
night.

Meanwhile, check us out at: www.thejamesrwhelanagency.com
or...give us a call at 206 407 3124.

Most salespeople are really lousy at asking questions,
and so they fall prey to the old adage, "Ask a stupid
question, get a stupid answer."

Making sales decisions based on stupid answers to y
our stupid questions is stupid to the tenth power. Stupid
to the tenth power usually results in:

No Sale.

Not today, not yesterday, not tomorrow.

Many years back I was working with a guy who sold
chemicals. I should probably rephrase that. What he
really did was convince people never to buy his companies
products, which was a shame, because they were actually
good products, available at a very reasonable price.

I remember walking into a large hotel with him, and he
spent at least ten minutes trying to decide what to show
the purchasing agent. He decided on a degreaser, which
really isn't a product you can demonstrate in an office, at
least without some risk.

His opening question was, "What kind of degreaser y'all
use here?"

If he had been even somewhat observant, he would have
known the answer to his question. There was degreaser on
several of the hotel cleaning carts we passed on the way
to the purchasers office.

The purchasers answer was, "Same one we've always
used." Now there was some information you could use.

My guy followed that up with, "How long is that?"

"Ever since I been here," said the purchaser.

"So it works okay, does it?" says my guy.

"I don't know," says the purchaser, "I don't do no scrubbin."

"Huh," says my guy. "Well...okey dokey."

And off we went.

I spent an entire day with him, and he didn't sell anything.

Finally I couldn't stand it anymore, and told him I would
handle his last two calls. He didn't object.

We walked into a diner, and the place smelled like it
had just been fumigated. In fact, my eyes were watering.
I found the owner, and said, "Do you have a problem with flies?"

"Yes," he said.

"Do you think your customers will appreciate the smell
of whatever you are using?"

"I can't stand it myself," he said.

"If I could show you a product that kill flies...and smells
like cherries, would you buy it?"

"Hell yes," he said.

I pulled the fly killer out and sprayed it in a corner.
He walked over and smelled it.

"Damn," he said, "that smells good."

"I'm running a special on that this week," I said. "1 case
is $79.99. 5 cases is $64.99. You buy 5, you save $75.00,
you kill flies, and your place smells like cherries."

"Send it in," he says.

At the last call, another hotel, I sold over $2000.00 of
cleaning products, and made the schmuck I was with over
$500.00 dollars, all by asking the right questions.

I started by asking if I could show them how to cut the
cost of their cleaning products in half, would they buy
from me today?

I showed them a very simple way to insure that employees
followed the dilution ratios on the box, and they were hooked.
Dilution ratios are on every box of chemicals, no matter who
sells them. But simple systems for usage are not.

So it's all in how you ask.

The better the question, the more control you have.

The more control you have, the better chance you
have of selling.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. If The James R Whelan Agency could cut your
advertising budget substantially, and get you better placement,
would you consider working with us?

Contact us at: thejamesrwhelanagency.com, or call us at 206 407 3124.

One of the recurring questions I get is,
"Jim, where should I put my money?"

I have a pretty simple answer. Your should
invest your money in yourself.

You see I'm no investment guru. I don't have
vast real estate holdings, and I don't know a
put from a call. The word derivative makes
me dizzy.

But I do know that investing in yourself pays off.

Just recently I was talking with two guys who
both split from the companies they were working
for and went off on their own. By doing this, both
of them were investing in themselves.

Both of them faced a lot of obstacles in their
quest. They found that things always cost
more than they had anticipated.
(This is a rule of life...) Often they faced
situations where they had to come up with
money they didn't have. One wrote a check
for a lot more money than he had in his bank.

The next day he got a contract for three times
the check he wrote. He asked for half of it as
a down payment, and the client paid.

The other maxed three different credit cards
to get what he needed to attend a trade show.
If he didn't sell anything at the show he was
dead in the water.

He sold 22 accounts at the show, and closed
13 more on the phone when he got home. Both
of these guys were willing to go to the wall, and
it paid off.

In my early days in Toronto, where I built my
first business, I had to borrow payroll money
several times in order to pay my employees. But
each time I asked, someone came through for me.

In time I was able to sell that business for a nice
piece of change.

I started this company, The James R Whelan Agency,
for around $1500. All the money I made I put back
in the company, and now the company has an incredibly
strong foundation. It's so strong that I don't need a
banker, and that's a very good position to be in.

Invest in yourself, and you'll always win.

Give your money to a broker, and see how much
is left after a few years.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. Tired of talking to unfriendly people? Then give
us a call, and I guarantee you can feel our smile over
the phone, even over the net, if you contact us at:
thejamesrwhelanagency.com or call 206 407 3124.

In my hotel last night I watched a few minutes
of a show on Muhammed Ali, who often said
many, many years ago, "I am the greatest! or
I am the greatest of all time!"

Ali doesn't talk much these days, he just
smiles and nods his head, but in his prime in
the 60's and 70's he really was the greatest.

This message was driven home to me in 1974
in a big way. I was a young man traveling Europe,
and when Ali fought Big George Foreman in the
African jungle, I happened to be in Ireland. The
Irish are huge boxing fans, and I was asked who
I thought would win the fight.

I answered that I thought Big George would win.

That was the wrong answer, and I nearly was
tossed out of the pub I was in. There were
grandmothers telling me I was a knave and fool.
And later, when the fight was concluded, and Ali
the winner, a celebration went on that made St
Paddy's Day look small.

The next morning the front page of the Dublin paper
was a large color photo of Ali with the headline,
"Ali Wins." Then a day or two later the city went
electric with the news that Ali was going to make
a stop in Dublin on his way home.

I couldn't stay for that, but I had a friend who took
pictures as Ali rode down the streets, and you would
have thought he was a Kennedy, or the Pope himself.

This same friend of mine visited Ali in his training
camp the year before. He had no appointment, he
didn't call ahead, he just walked several miles to the
camp in Pennsylvania. Ali's bodyguards conferred with
the Champ, and he spent the entire day with Ali, talking,
taking photos, and even getting in the ring, where Ali
showed him a combination or two.

During the time they spent together Ali said "I am
the greatest!" too many times to count.

He wasn't just saying it to be saying it. He really
believed he was the greatest. He proved it in Ali-Frazier III,
and he probably has never been the same since.

"I had two choices," he said. "I could get up and
beat Joe Frazier, or I could die." He got up and beat
Joe Frazier.

Everyone has a chance to be great. We may not all
be cut out to be the heavyweight champion of the world,
but opportunities are in front of us all the time.

Just reach out and sieze one.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. I'm on my way to creating the greatest ad
agency of all time. Come become part of the family,
and history, by going to: thejamesrwhelanagency.com,
or by calling 206 407 3124.

If you want to be successful in sales, you have to
understand what it means when a client or customer
says no. Many rookie and mediocre salespeople
pack their bag and head for the hills when they hear
the word, "No."

Friends of mine joke that when it comes to the word
"No" I am deaf, dumb, and blind.

There is some truth in that, but what "No" really
means...is "not yet."

I keep track of every sales call I make. I know exactly
how many times I have called a prospective client or
customer, and my record, 94, happened a couple of
years back. I have scores of clients I called over 50 times.

Many, hell, most, of my clients have said I am the most
tenacious salesman they have ever met. And many of
them are in the sales business themselves, so it's a
high compliment.

But they will also tell you that I am extremely polite,
and they have never heard me utter a phrase that
wasn't complimentary, even when they may have been
way out of bounds themselves.

People don't like to make changes, even when what
they are doing is costing them money, and sometimes
a lot of money. It's just human nature.

I was driving around in an old car when I could easily
have gotten a new one. I was used to the old car. A good
friend of mine showed up one day here, took one look at
the car, and said "Jim...it's time for a new car." I bought a
new one that day, and it was the right thing to do. But you
see...I still needed a push.

That's what good salesmen do.

They push. They huff and puff and push again. And again.

They may hear they word "No" but they keep pushing.

The reality is that only 10% of people will not take a
look at what you have to offer. That means that 90% of
all the people you see are potential customers.

That's a boatload of potential customers.

I can't count the number of times a client has told
me, "Jim...I talked to so and so at such and such agency,
and they just didn't convince me they were the right choice."

What they were saying to so and so at such and such
was "not yet."

Make your case. Make it again. And again. And again.

Convince the decision maker that you are the guy or gal
he has been looking for, and you'll soon have as many
clients as I do.

And they all told me "No."

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. I'm on my way to beautiful San Fransisco to
lasso up some west coast clients. It's been a while since
I've been in the bay area and I'm really looking forward to
spending some time there. If you live in the area and just
happen to see a tuxedo clad cowboy complete with boots
and hat, be sure to wave and say hello.

And remember you can always reach us at:
thejamesrwhelanagency.com, or by calling us at 206 407 3124.

Tomorrow is April 15th, better known as Tax Day.
I imagine there will be plenty of news stories about
last minute filing, and almost all of the stories will
be crying the blues.

Not me.

Nope.

I'll be celebrating the fact that I wrote a HUGE check
to the Internal Revenoovers. And when I say huge, I
am not fooling around. My tax liability last year was
well into seven figgers.

But I'm glad to pay, in fact, I'm ecstatic.

Paying your taxes in the United States is a great
thing. It's great because if you pay a tax bill as large
as mine, it means you're making some mundo, and
your business is very healthy.

Those are both good things.

Where else but in the United States could you go
from being a salaried employee who made fair money
to a business owner who does very well in the space
of four years?

And although evertybody complains about our high
tax rate, compared to the rest of the world what we
pay is pretty low.

Just ask the British, the Swedes, the Danes, and
the Germans.

Their taxes are so high their economies have been in
the toilet for years and years. They pay anywhere from
54 to 90% of what they make in taxes.

We don't pay anywhere near that, and yes, I'll admit
that some of our tax laws are goofy and need to be
revised. There isn't a system on earth that couldn't
be better.

But generally our system works pretty well, which is
a lot more than can be said for others.

The people that really understand wealth know that
paying our taxes is a priviledge and an honor. I've been
around many who will brag about their tax bill, and I've
heard some pretty astonishing numbers. Most of them
pay more than any 500 people you could select at random.
In fact it's way more.

One guy I met recently pays more in taxes than my
business grosses. You think that maybe he is a mega
successful guy?

There is no doubt in my mind.

There is a old saying saying that says "the only thing we
can be sure of is death and taxes."

We could add to that, "He who pays a lot of tax lives a pretty good life."

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. The quickest way to get wealthy and pay
more taxes is to spend your money at The James R
Whelan Agency, where we find you the customers
that have the money to spend on your product all
year long. 206 407 3124

I have a good friend who runs a very successful
business that gets up very, very early. He is at
his desk before most people turn on their coffeemaker.

I, on the other hand, don't like to get out of bed until much later.

Usually I hit the office around 9:30 AM or even 10:00 AM.

Financially, I'm doing pretty well. I don't have
my friends kind of money, but he is a couple of
decades older than I am, and has owned his business
for almost thirty years. I am in the beginning of my
fifth year.

The other day I calculated that if my business continues
to grow at the same pace, I will have surpassed his in
my 11th year.

That means I will have shaved two decades off what
he has accomplished financially. The numbers are pretty
impressive, but projections are just that, projections.

My friend has been needling me for quite some time
about my office hours. He says I would be more productive
if I started at my desk at 6:30 AM, like he does. He says
I waste a good portion of the day sleeping.

But you see...I didn't go into business for myself to listen
to anyone tell me what to do. I happen to like my routine,
and I won't be changing it anytime soon.

And who decided on the work schedule anyway? Who
decided that everyone should start work at 7 or 8, and
end at 5 or 6? I don't remember being part of that discussion.

(That is probably why my Army stint didn't go well.)

The truth is, I work best when I feel best, and my body
starts humming later than most. Even when I worked
for others, and was forced to be in the office early, I
never did anything of import till around 10 AM. Then I
would focus, and outsell everyone everyday. When all
the other employees were packing it up for the day, I
was still selling, and selling some more. The next thing
you know it would be 8 or 9 PM. The last thing I would
do every day is put my name at the top of the board,
so everyone could see it when they walked in.

So it doesn't matter what time you start work.

What matters is what you accomplish when you
focus. Somedays I would outsell the entire office by
lunchtime, and then I'd pack it in, and head for the
beach. I still do that today.

Being at work doesn't count for much.

Getting things done counts, and it doesn't matter
when you start.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. Many mornings I ride my bicycle for an hour
or so before I go to work. You'd be surprised what
fresh air and a little exercise can do for your
productivity. The more you breathe, the more
productive you become, and thatz a fact Jack.

Call the most productive people in the business. 206 407 3124

This morning I got up early and drove to Ft. Lauderdale,
about an hour away from where I reside. I had a specific
mission, which was to shake up American Express.

I am an American Express Black Card holder, and by
being a holder I am entitled to certain perks and programs.

On the flipside, American Express gets a whole lotta of
my buckaluckas run through their company, for which
they collect a nice little chunk of change.

I have had trouble with the Customer Service Division of
American Express for months now, and not only was I
not getting what I was entitled to, their agents were rude
and dismissive. Often when I asked for someone higher
up in the chain, they would hang up on me.

American Express isn't the only company with a customer
service problem. I could name at least a half dozen major
companies that I have to deal with that farm their "service"
out to India or Pakistan, or God knows where; the result
being that you make mental notes never to deal with this
company if you don't have to.

I'm not going to get into the exact specifics of my
complaint; I'll just say it was a legitimate gripe, and no
one was willing to do anything about it.

So when I showed up at 777 American Express Drive
this morning with a sign that said, "American Express
Sucks-They Treat Black Card Holders Like Dirt!" it
wasn't long before a number of people wanted to talk to me.

I was conducting what I call a "Sidewalk Protest." I
usually just walk back and forth on the sidewalk, making
sure that traffic can see my sign.

About twenty minutes after I showed up some customer
service people wanted to chat. They were followed by
company VP's, and a security guard and chief, who by
the way were very polite, and understood the rules of
sidewalk protesting.

One of the VP's asked me why I didn't just come in,
and why I took such drastic action. I replied, "If I had just
showed up, there is no way I would have gotten to see
you, is there?"

Believe me, he knew the answer to that question.

The end result of my short protest is that American
Express is going to fix my problem, and put it in writing.

The second part of the equation is more important
than the first. Whenever you are dealing with giants, its
important that you don't accept verbal committments.
Verbal committments from these Goliaths don't mean
anything. But when you have it in writing, that's a whole
different story.

So I spent a couple hours of my day on something just
shouldn't happen, ever; and I got some satisfaction. If they
don't comply in full I'll be back, and this time "really drastic"
measures will be employed. You'd be surprised at the
publicity one man with a sign can get.

But the really big point is this:

If I treated any of my clients the way American Express
treated me, I sure wouldn't have many clients.

In the end, you can get a credit card from anybody.
Nobody is twisting your arm to use American Express, or
anybody else. If the company doesn't live up to it's
obligations and committments, get rid of them, and
find somebody who can.

Only a few years ago my company was nothing but a
dream, a desk, a chair, and some telephones.

I won my customers because I provided a superior
service, something better than what they were receiving,
and that's the way I intend to keep it.

Customer Service counts, and all the companies that
don't think so will pay a price.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

Well...if you were a gambler and followed my advice
on NCAA basketball the last couple of weeks you
would be out of dough, and you might even owe some
people you shouldn't. I picked wrong on six straight
games, including both championships, which leads me
to believe I should stick to advertising, which is something
I know more about.

There is always next year. And the year after that.

I have always thought that gambling was a pretty
silly way to lose your money. Why anybody would lay
money down with the odds so heavily stacked against
them is a mystery to me.

I have a friend who makes extremely good money in
the options market who simply takes advantage of what
the gamblers give him. They folks bet on stocks to go up
or down within specific time frames, and they almost always
lose. What surprised him when he started trading was how
many people are willing to foolishly gamble on something
that has virtually no payoff.

But they're out there, and every day they lay down tens of
millions of dollars on racehorses that are worse than a 99
to 1 shot in the last race of the day.

Many people do the same thing with their advertising money.

Last week I did a consult with a woman who spent money
in several publications and wondered why she didn't get
any results. So I did a little research, and here's what I found.

First of all, her ad was too small. In fact it was so small that
I couldn't read any of the information with a magnifying glass.

Second, it was lumped in with a number of ads that were
selling virtually the same thing to the same market.

Now its okay to go fishing where the fish are, but you had
better have a lure that the others don't have. There had
better be something makes your ad stand out and command
attention.

It wasn't happening in this case.

Another ad was placed in the wrong category of a magazine. If
you're selling fitness, for instance, you don't want to be in the
section selling candles.

One of the ads was in a magazine where subscribers
wouldn't buy her product with somebody else's money.

All this advertising money went straight into the crapper.

Wasted money.

A very foolish gamble.

But it was her decision, because she thought a free
consultation wasn't worth her time. I would have vetoed
every idea she had because I know what bad placement is.

Sure, some folks will tell you there's a learning curve, but
when we can provide good advice that will make you money,
and not lose it, maybe it's worth a listen.

I may not know a thing about gambling on sporting events,
but in this business I know what I'm talking about. Not only that,
but I have over 300 clients who think so too.

So in advertising, you can go it alone and be a gambler,
or you can get a little advice from me, and get that
Money Train headed in your direction.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. A few moons back a new client of mine spent
almost $200,000 dollars on an ad in a very slick publication.
The ad looked great, and he thought he had made a very
smart move. The ad did not bring him even one customer.
The readers of that magazine were not the least bit interested
in what he had to offer. When he became a client, his first ad,
which cost around $8500 dollars; brought in over $400,000 dollars.

The right ad, the right audience, and you have money in the
bank. Call the experts at The James R Whelan Agency. 206 407 3124

I've been a fan of women's basketball for some time
now, and this year I have been a fan of Stanford,
albeit from afar. I actually thought Maryland would
win the tournament, but Stanford ended their hopes.
Then I was pulling for Rutgers, but they couldn't get
past Connecticut. I find it hard to root against Tennessee,
and I have to admit that game wasn't much fun to watch.
But Tennessee prevailed, and tonight they face Stanford
in a match I think Stanford should win.

Of course I thought Memphis had everything wrapped
up against Kansas with a nine point lead and less than
two minutes to go last night in the mens finals.

So whaddoo I know.

This much I know. Stanford plays basketball the way
its supposed to be played. They are unselfish, and while
they do have a legitimate star in Candace Wiggins,
everybody else gets in on the act too. They do all the
little things well, and they play smart to boot.

A sequence near the end of the game with Connecticut
where every player touched the ball before a shot was
made should be shown to every kid who picks up a
basketball, male or female. Oh, and by the way, that
shot was the dagger that ended all of Connecticut's dreams.

After the game Connecticut coach Geno Auriemma was
asked what he could have done to stop Stanford. His reply
was superb. He said, "Some nights...it's not what you do
wrong...it's what the other team does right."

That was right on the money.

Connecticut played well. Stanford played exteremely
well, and that was the difference.

Tonight will also be the last time you can see Candace
Parker, who will undoubtedly turn pro in the weeks to come.
She's a very class act, and a helluva basketball player too.
She's got a dislocated shoulder, and won't be 100 per cent,
which is too bad. But she'll be playing, and Tennessee has
a special kind of voodoo it brings to these championship games.

But voodoo or not, I'm predicting a Stanford win. Whatever
happens, you'll see a good game.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. While watching the March Madness I have also
been watching the television advertising. Stay tuned this week
as I give my uncensored opinion of what's good and bad.

In the meantime, get your company on the Money Train
by calling The James R Whelan Agency, who makes the best
deals in the business. 206 407 3124

I was knocking down some Wheaties on Friday morning
when I saw the story on the Clinton tax returns. I knew
that old Billy Jay had made some money since he left office,
but the numbers through me for a loop.

$109 million in the last few years.

Politics has been berry, berry good to Billy Jay and Hillary.

Berry, berry good indeed.

Now if you have any good memory cells...you'll recall
the uproar from the Clintonites when old Ronnie Raygun
got paid a couple of million from the Japanese for a feel
good speech after he left office. It was one of the last times
Raygun appeared in public, and their there were plenty
of cries and hullabaloo.

But in the last few years Billy Jay has made $50 million
in speaking fees.

As they say around the watercooler, "That's good work
if you can get it."

He has made another $20 to 30 million off book deals,
and Hillary has made around $20 million herself.

Why...that would almost make her a slacker next to him.

About a month back there was a lot of talk about Hillary
loaning her campaign $5 million dollars. The way the story
was told then, you almost felt sorry for her. But it sure
is hard to feel that way today. Somehow, I just can't feel
their pain.

And compared to one Albert J Gore, the Clintons are
nouveau riche, mere pikers. Gore's sweet stock deal with
Google has him in the $500 million range.

That's not bad for a couple of hillbillies from Arkansas
and Tennessee.

No wonder ole Billy Jay would like another shot at the prize.

I have to wonder what those blue collar Democrats will
be thinking in a couple of weeks in Pennsylvania. Nothing
says blue collar like $109 million.

You know...I should have made a big push to become
Billy Jayz agent when I had the chance. 15% of 109 million...
that works out to be...a...pretty nice chunk of change. Then
if I could have landed Albert J, well...I wouldn't have to come
to the office on Monday, would I?

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. The James R Whelan Agency is fast becoming the
best place in the United States for smart companies
to place there advertising dollars. Call us now, and
find out how you can be making more money in just
days. 206 407 3124

Last night I was up late, which is fairly unusual for me.
I am usually asleep before the news, but for some reason
I wasn't all that sleepy, and before you know it, the
Tonight Show was on.

The main guest?

Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton.

Clintom was all teeth in her orr ange outfit, and she
obviously scripted her opening lines. She stated that
she almost didn't make it to the show...and drum roll
pleeze...she was held up by sniper fire. She had a
big chuckle over that...although I think the audience
was less amused.

Now this got me thinkin a tetch...I thought to
myself...Jimmy...who else could come on national
television and tell a joke about their own lie...and
think it was highly amusing?

The answer: Billy Jay.

Everybody knows Billy Jay is incapable of telling
the truth. As former Senator Bob Kerry stated a
few years ago, "Clinton enjoys lying."

So while Billy Jay was busy lying, we didn't scrutinize
Hillary as much. But as it turns out, she is just as
good a teller of tales as he is.

But telling jokes about your own lies is beyond
anything ole Billy Jay ever tried.

(Not that he wouldn't have if he had thought of it.)

And that last Clinton TV spot was a doozy too.

It's the 3 AM scenario again, and the phone is ringing
in the White House. This time there is an economic
crisis afoot, and President Hillary is wide awake, sitting
in the Presidential study, burning the midnight oil.

(That's where it all goes.)

She is nattily attired in a business suit, with a pair of
real snazzy designer frames to help her read. The
only thing missing was a cat curled up in her lap.

My good friend Spaz, a lifelong Democrat, saw the
ad too. He told me that this campaign has a lot of
musscle, but too few brain cells. "Anybody who thought
that was a good ad should have been fired," he muttered
on his way down the hall.

The campaign people forgot the first rule of advertising.

"The message has to sell."

No sizzle, no sell.

No sales, no money. No money...it's over.

And let's hope Hillary didn't pay more than $50 for the joke.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. Our clients are reaping the benefits of where we
are placing their ads. You want to get on the Money Train?
Call The James R Whelan Agency at 206 407 3124.

Should ads sell or entertain?

Well...first of all, ads have to sell. If they
don't sell, then they are pretty much worthless.
I'm not one of those people who buys in to all
this brand awareness crap. It doesn't matter
how many people recognize your brand if they
don't buy it.

If your ad doesn't give people reasons to buy
your product, then it stinks in my book.

Last night I was watching some tube, and almost
every commercial I saw wouldn't get a five on a
ten scale from me. Not one gave a reason the
viewer, (customer), should buy their product.

Just what is it that the heads of these large
companies are thinking? Other than about how
much compensation they should get for doing
a lousy job.

Take Home Depot as an example. 'Old Thrifty' Bob
Nardelli walked away with 210 millions dollars for running
that company into the dumper. 'OT' was famous for
cutting employees, employee benefits, and customer
service, but when it came to his benefits he was all for
maximizing.

I guess it never occurred to him that the company was
built on good employees, with good benefits, who provided
good customer service. That couldn't possibly work, could it?

Customer service was the reason people bought from
Home Depot. Today it's non-existent. Most stores never
have enough employees on to run a slow sales day.

Home Depot is running a lot of ads these days, on the
tube, and in print. But the ads will not make up for eight
years of bad management. The ads won't sell because
people know Home Depot can't deliver.

Back to my opening premise. If you're aren't selling,
you aren't doing your job. The big advertising agencies
that these big companies use aren't doing their job.

They have their heads in the sand. They think everything
is entertainment, and that everyone must be entertained
all the time. Nothing could be further from the truth.

People love to be sold. Ask any good salesman. People
buy every day when you give them a reason why they should.

They get excited, they get emotional, they reach for their
credit card. They can't wait to have whatever it is they were
just sold on.

And then there's that other thing. The tell their friends, and
business associates, and usually anybody standing around.
Then these folks want in, they have to keep up.

You can't get that with brand awareness, or imagery.

The best salesman I know says it best, 'If my mouth is open,
I'm selling.'

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. Good selling is entertainment, but entertainment is not good selling. There's a difference, and we understand it at The James R Whelan Agency. Call the Cowboys at 206 407 3124.

Just yesterday the media was telling us that the sky is
falling, and that we should find shelter anywhere that we can.

Hardly reported today was the fact that yesterday the Dow
Jones shot up 391 points. The NASDAQ was up 83 points.

That doesn't exactly blend with the constant media message
that we are only a hop, skip, and jump away from the second
Great Depression. Of of our esteemed Democratic congressmen
said yesterday that: "I believe the laws of supply and demand
when it comes to oil and gas are broken and completely
malfunctioning."

Sometime ago on FOX News, Bill O'Reilly was berating the oil
companies, making essentially the same silly argument. His
opponent in the debate was an economics professor from some
small private college that I can't remember the name of, but the
professor was sharp as a tack.

After O'Reilly bloviated for minutes about gasoline pricing, the
professor asked him about the advertising rates for his show,
which he said were the highest on television, by far. "What entitles
you to charge so much?" asked the professor.

O'Reilly denied that his rates were the highest on television.

He then lobbed a grenade directly at himself by asking the
professor where he got his information.

"I called your advertising people," said the mild mannered
professor. "I also called everyone else."

O'Reilly did some mumbling, and quickly moved to a commercial.

You can't beat Live TV.

So the big money guys sent signals to the market that they
need to stop complaining and get back to work. The market
rises like a phoenix. Maybe the market doesn't need any help
from the government.

What happened here is what's called a mood swing, or market
correction.

The mortgage crisis was a mood swing, a blip, a signal that
something was wrong in the market, and it needed to be fixed.
The huge rise in the market is a signal that the market received
the diagnosis, took corrective action, and is on its way to recovery.

So my question is...what is it going to do when the medicine
arrives in June and July? What is going to happen to those billions
of dollars that are supposed to correct an illness that has already
passed?

I think there will be some mighty fine BBQ's with the
neighbors this summer. Some folks will probably be using
a spanking new stainless steel grill with a whole lot of extra
cooking surface.

And I'll bet the vodka and tequila will be top shelf too.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. Do you want to create a demand for your product or service?

Call the experts at The James R Whelan Agency now, and start
getting as many customers as you can handle. 206 407 3124

Ya just can't turn on the television or pick up a newspaper
or magazine without someone shouting that the sky is falling.
This morning I watched in amazement as there were calls for
a "windfall profits" tax on oil.

You would have to believe in the tooth fairy to believe that
a tax on oil companies would bring down the price of gasoline.
Congress has never understood the law of supply and demand,
and this time they are really off the mark.

I spent well over three years in Europe in the mid 1970's, and
gasoline cost the Germans over $4 a gallon then. That was over
thirty years ago, and nothing has changed there.

What has changed is this:

The demand for oil has skyrocketed, particularly in Asia. The
Chinese economy needs oil in a big way, and so does Korea,

Vietnam, Malaysia, and our old friend Japan.

Oil that always made its way to these shores is now being bid
on by many factions and countries.

The Arabs understand this, and are not flooding the market with
cheap oil anymore. They are, very simply, maximizing profits.

Maximizing profits is a good thing for everybody. That money
spills over into our economy and makes things happen.

Does our economy have a few problems?

Yes.

But so do all economies.

But to hear it on Capitol Hill, the Great Depression is just
around the corner. Congress can't wait to throw billions of
dollars up in the air in early summer. And Clinton and Obama
want to throw big billions at what they call "green jobs".

We have a glitch in the real estate market because banks
abdicated their role in the business. George Bush wanted five
and a half million more Americans to own homes.

That was a good idea.

But it was very poorly executed.

Banks started selling mortgages to any Tom, Dick, or Harry
that walked in their doors. They forgot that there were rules
in the lending business, and they didn't care, because they
sold these bad mortgages to Wall Street.

This relieved them of any responsibility for what happened next.

Wall Street firms tripped over themselves trying to get a piece
of the action, and now they want us to bail them out.

NO!

Let them fall. When you screw up you have to pay the price,
but that isn't what's happening.

All this manufactured crisis involves 1 to 2% of the real estate
market. That's a big number, but it isn't going to bring the
economy down.

I've been talking to good numbers of business folks and they
don't get it either.

Hey...I'd be willing to bet the sun comes up tomorrow.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan

P.S. The James R Whelan Agency has had double digit growth
every year since it started, and this year is no different. The first
quarter has been very robust, and I expect that trend to continue.

Negative may sell television, but a positive point of view drives
almost everyone else. To get your daily quota of sunshine,
call the Cowboys at 206 407 3124.