Earlier today someone sent me a little news
item where Alec Baldwin said that kissing
Jennifer Aniston was painful. He was joking of
course, because if he isn't, I'm willing to fly to
wherever "30 Rock" is being filmed and stand
in for him.

There are some situations that call for the
Chairman's expertise, and this could be one
of them. If he can't handle the job, I'm ready
to go at a moment's notice. I'll even waive my
standard fee for appearances, which is pretty
high.

Because sometimes only a real man will do,
and Jennifer Aniston seems to go for the Girlyman
types. Now compared to Brad Pitt and John Mayer,
Baldwin is a real stud. But if you compare Baldwin
to me...well...sorry to be the one to bring the bad
news Alec, but it's the Chairman in a landslide. Why
...I do believe I would get a higher percentage of the
popular vote than even Obama.

And all this talk about Bamelot is just plain silly.
Once Jennifer Aniston meets the Chairman, it's all
over for the Girlymen. That would be Brad Pitt and
John Mayer. Whatever you say about Baldwin,
(and I abhor his politics), he ain't no Girlyman. He's
the only man I know with almost as much hair on his
chest as me. (And Robin Williams, who is almost
half ape.)

Just kidding.

So even if we're on different sides of the fence
politically, we have a common bond. Neither one
of us will ever have to belong to the Hair Club for
Men.I mean, if either one of us ever went bald, all
they have to do is cut a strip off our backs, and
we're good to go.

None of that transferring a few hair plugs at a
time for us. Just cut a big strip like in the sod
business, roll it out, and lay it down.

Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever watched
"30 Rock."

Maybe now that Baldwin has admitted how painful
it was to do those scenes I'll have to catch it.

But my offer still stands. Alec, if you can't handle the
pressure, if kissing Jennifer Aniston gets to be too
much, just call the Chairman.

I have a plane standing by.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. If anybody else out there in Hollywood needs
a stand in, just send in the name of your co-star,
and I'll evaluate the situation.

thejamesrwhelanagency.com
206 407 3124

Never count old Billy Jay out. Nosirree, that
would be just plumb dumb. The Big He,
(Billy Jay), spent some time yesterday
rapping to the foreign press about Hillary's
reported new gig, in between raising large
amounts of uncounted cash for his fight
against AIDS in Africa, and other too
numerous to count business dealings.

Ye ah buddy, Hillary as Secretary of State,
and Billy Jay as Ambassador of Hope. With
Miss Hillary ensconced in the State Department,
there is no need for old Billy Jay to take any
sort of official job,especially the kind where
his financial dealings would be scrutinized in
any way. As was said a long time ago by a
probably long dead Washington wag, "A billion
here, a billion there, pretty soon you're talking
about real money."

Which reminds me, has anybody heard anything
about how the Clintons are retiring her campaign
debt? The last I heard it was about 20 plus million
dollars, and if we know anything about the Clintons,
that money sure isn't going to come out of their
personal accounts. So the question is, who's going
to foot the bill?

Now Obama spent a world record getting elected
by the common folk, and he has enough money
left over to run every year for the next eight. Is he
retiring Hillary's debt? Is it the Democratic Party?
Or is the money coming from one of Billy Jays
mysterious foundations?

Maybe it's coming from the billions he is raising
around the world for causes only a Scrooge could
hate.

But that's where you'll always find Billy Jay,
a man who was raised around the rigged poker
game, and the roulette table that could stop
be stopped by a stout breath. And isn't it odd
that he is apparently untouched by the global
recession?

The years as Governor of Arkansas sure didn't
give us a clue that Billy Jay had some Rothschild
blood running in his veins.

Combining his new found money with his wife's
gig at State, and his Ambassadorship will undoubtably
leave Clinton an undisputable billionaire by the time
Obama finishes his first term.

He has to make up the time he lost to Fat Al in a
hurry, because a host of government contracts are
going to fall Mr Greenjeans way soon. Just in case
you were wondering what your favorite earthtone
stiff was up to.

The wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'...

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. I heard there was some bailout money on
the beach in Ft Lauderdale. I'm getting my shovel
and heading over there now.

thejamesrwhelanagency.com
206 407 3124

Over the weekend I spent some time at a
family gathering where almost everyone
voted for Obama. I can understand the vote,
but I can't understand the religious zealotry
and hypocritical blame game. Whatever
subject that was brought up, it was George
W. Bush's fault. And whatever the problem,
Barack Obama was going to fix it.

It followed that McCain was old, and Sarah
Palin was stupid, and the most vitriol came
from the women. Now many years ago, you
might have described the women as "career
women" but since their husbands did very
well financially, they opted out of the work
place, and raised their children. Two of them
have never gone back to work, because their
hubbies bring in serious money as partners
in a law firm. One of them recently went back
to work after a 15 year hiatus.

Listening to them talk was like watching the
movie "Mean Girls." If anyone thought feminism
would end this kind of ugly behavior, they were
sadly mistaken. Men don't have to attack women
anymore, because women can do the job by
themselves. Almost everything brought up by
the women on the subject of Palin was false.
They were right on one or two issues, but those
issues wouldn't warrant the kind of hatred that
was being advanced.

Right now the top of the mountain sure looks
good. Everywhere you turn there is a breathtaking
vista, and the skies are clear.

The problem with being at the top of the
mountain is that the only direction you can
go is down. Sometimes the descent is slow
and orderly, and sometimes its an avalanche.

There are a tremendous amount of storm
clouds on the horizon. In the next year the
wind is going to howl, the rain and snow is
going to come down, and their will be huge
crevices to pass without falling in and never
being heard from again.

President Elect Obama should enjoy his time
of good will, and take in as much sunshine as
possible. The road ahead will be difficult. Many
of the people who voted for him did so tenuously,
in spite of what the media is spouting. And even
the media, heretofore Obama's top ally, will turn
on him when they don't get everything they want,
along with all the other special interest groups.

I don't envy the President-elect. When he has to
start swatting hands out of the till, the wailing and
gnashing of teeth will begin. Then he'll realize the
best friend you can have in Washington is a dog.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. I recommend a Labrador Retriever. They are
big, dumb, and no matter what, they want to play.

thejamesrwhelanagency.com
206 407 3124

As I predicted, the hogs are all lining up at
the trough, and at this point it doesn't look
like there's going to be enough feed for
everyone. So far it looks like 5 trillion dollars
have been committed to the bailout, and
China, which had been supplying most of
the capital the hogs have been devouring
over the last few years, has money problems
of its own, and isn't keen on loaning trillions
more to the U.S.

One of the justifications I heard yersterday
for the loan, being pushed especially hard by
Harry the Hat, and his gun moll Nancy the
Pants, is that now the automakers can retool.

I say they can kiss me where the moon don't
shine.

So they can retool? General Motors has been
making poor quality cars for generations, and
now they want consumers to pay for them to
retool? Retooling is an ongoing part of any
business operation, and should be going on
all the time, but obviously the geniuses at
GM didn't know that. While their sales declined
every year, going instead to Japanese
manufactures, and German, and now Korean,
they continued to manufacture junk, and wonder
why no one was buying their cars.

So here's my solution.

Give them the money, but fire all the executives
who created this disaster. Why should we give
these dumb sonsa beeches any cash? They will
probably act just like the imbeciles at AIG, and
start paying bonuses, and deciding where there
next golf outing is going to be.

The same thing goes for Ford and Chrysler. When
the Germans let Chrysler go they were sending a
message, and apparently no one in the financial
community could decode it. But that shouldn't
surprise anyone anymore. The message was:
This company is a turkey!

The truth is that this is just throwing good money
after bad, just like grandpa used to say, and you
just don't do it.

Let them save themselves, or give them just
enough rope to pull themselves to shore, then
tell them they're on their own.

All this begging by those who are supposed to
be leaders is starting to make me sick.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. Do something fun this weekend.

thejamesrwhelanagency.com
206 407 3124

A few moons back, like around the time I
was born and before, fathers taught sons
how to defend themselves. This usually
involved some rudimentary boxing lessons,
or fast strike "finishers", as my old man
used to refer to them.

Sometimes the teacher was an uncle, or
maybe a friend of the old man's, but
nevertheless you got the training. My old
man's theory was to be a brawler. Fighters,
or schoolyard bullies, didn't like brawlers
because there was no predicting what they
would do.

I must admit I'm not much of a fighter, but I'm
a helluva brawler. Brawling was a big benefit
in the scuffles I have been in over the years.
The unpredictabilty of what I was going to do
unnerved many of my opponents in my younger
days, and they really liked to steer clear of me
after an encounter.

I don't scuffle hardly at all anymore, but it's
something every man should go through.

Now that puts me squarely at odds with the
folks who want to raise "Girlymen," as Ahn Nold
referred to a few years back. As much as he
was criticized for using the term, it is still appropriate.

Today in schools boys are being turned into Ken
dolls. Their hair is always in place, their clothes are
never dirty or torn, the have no scrapes or abrasions,
and they are getting doughy and soft.The universities
reinforce this feminization, and then women wonder
why men are so immature.

It's because they are trying to take the testoserone
out of the boys by instilling ideas in them that run
contrary to nature.

And then, when a woman wants to settle down and
get married, she wants a protector, not some freaking
wimp that is a surrender monkey.

I've got a friend that is helping people defend
themselves everyday, and you can do yourself
a favor by going to his website, and checking out
what he calls "tools."

And if you're a freaking wimp, it's doubly important.
You need to get yourself an equalizer, or several,
and carry them around so you won't fall victim to
the first mook to come down the pike.

Go to: http://www.bigkahunasecurity.com

And it isn't just men that need a little something
extra. Half of the Big Kahuna's client's are women,
who know what it feels like to be alone and vulnerable.

But once they are tooled up, it's a different story
altogether. If you're a mook and meet up with one
of Kahuna's Kommandoes, you are guaranteed to
get a taste of hell.

Which is what you deserve for putting your greasy
maws where they don't belong.

Take my advice, and get yourself an equalizer.
Or several.

Just remember this. One in every seven people
will be the victim of a violent crime in their lifetime.

There's no reason it has to be you.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Big Equalizer, and Chairman of the Board

P.S. be sure sure and tell the Big Kahuna the
Chairman sent you.

thejamesrwhelanagency.com
206 407 3124

I had a very interesting conversation with a
friend of mine over the weekend. I was in
Beverly Hills, staying for the week at the
Beverly Hills Hotel, which is a pretty swank
joint for a cowboy like me. I was out in La La
Land for the L.A Film Festival, or whatever
they call it, and I was working on fnding some
new clients.

I like film industry clients because...they have
money, and they like to spend it. The first film
industry client I landed years ago put my business
on the viability track. What I mean by that is they
were the first elephant account I landed, and they
paid all my bills and then some. They are still a
valued client today, and in my Top Ten.

So, heeding some advice I heard years back,
I like to go fishing where the fish are. And this
year some of them were biting. I landed a
couple of very nice new accounts, so that at
least paid for all the caviar I was having sent
to my room.

(I ate caviar once, and it made me violently ill.)

When I called my friend to tell him of my success,
I had to ask him who some people were. He laughed
because I didn't recognise, or even know who they
were.

But then he said, "It's probably better that you
don't know. That way everybody you see is no
different than anybody else."

And that is very true.

If I knew for instance, that Dustin Hoffman was
Hollywood royalty, I probably wouldn't approach
him. But since I don't, he is just as approachable
as the bellboy.

There is no shock and awe involved. I just treat
everyone exactly the same, and believe it or not,
the Hollywood crowd is much more interested in
who I am.

They want to know all about the guy who wears
a tuxedo to work every day. And I oblige them.
Then I reel some of them in, and we do some
business.

And I'm convinced that if a guy like me can
do business in Hollywood, then anybody can
do business anywhere.

I think it's what I want chiseled on my grave
marker, hopefully a long time from now.

HE WAS JUST DUMB ENOUGH TO BE A HUGE SUCCESS

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. That would make a good book title too.

thejamesrwhelanagency.com
206 407 3124

You would think that the CEO's at Fannie
Mae, Freddie Mac, AIG, Bear Sterns,
Countrywide Financial, Merrill Lynch, and
Washington Mutual, those companies, to
name a few, that played fast and loose with
shareholder money, and paid dearly for their
indiscretions, might apologize.

They might apologize to their shareholders,
and to their employees, but don't hold your
breath, because it ain't gonna happen.

Richard Fuld, the CEO of Lehman Brothers,
told Congress that the largest bankruptcy in
history was due to factors beyond his control.
The top troika of AIG basically said the same
thing.

Now I can understand why they might tell
hypocritical Congressman this story while
the blame game is being played. But they
have had the opportunity to come clean in
other places and have declined to do so
there too.

They have followed the advice of their very
capable attorneys, who have advised them
to "zip it." Just take the considerable money
and run, paying out a portion to the legal
eagles to make sure it gets deposited in a
hard to reach place, where they'll have a
hard time spending it all. Or maybe not.

It's just possible in all the bailing that we will
forget all about them and their congressional
allies.

The beggars are all lining up, and the Congress
can't wait for another game of piggy back.

Where is all the money going?

No one is saying.

The Federal Reserve, according to Bloomberg.com,
is refusing to identify the recipients of more than 2
trillion dollars of emergency loans.

You see, the 750 billion dollars authorized by
Congress is just a piece of the puzzle. There is
plenty of other money being shoveled around
that didn't need a Congressional authorization,
and nobody wants to even talk about that.

Where's it going? Why? What are the strings?

Nobody at the Fed wants to talk.

And if this doesn't work, will we ever know
what happened to the money?

And you can bet on this: If bigtime corporate
CEO's don't have to apologize for costing you
billions, do you think the government is going
to apologize for losing trillions?

Not a chance.

At some time in the future someone is going
to explain it all.

Just tell us the story, no apologies necessary.

Then we can decide who gets hung in the public square.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. The Arizona Cardinals are now 7 and 3. They
have a chance to win a division for the first time in
over 35 years. Congrats.

thejamesrwhelanagency.com
206 407 3124

On the front page of today's Washington Post
was a story that should interest all fair minded
folks. The story, entitled, "A Quiet Windfall for
U.S. Banks," details a change in tax law made
by the Secretary of the Treasury that ensures
banks will reap somewhere north of a 140 billion
dollars in profits.

"One hundred and forty billion dollars" in profits
for the greedy money grubbing slime that still
have their begging hats in their hands and are
urging Congress to act as fast as they can to
help end this terrible economic crisis.

These are the same crooks who took the
initial bailout money and used it to pay executives
and shareholders bonuses on the banner year
they had. Then they turned around and refused
to lend money while crying poor, adding to the
crisis.

AIG is also in the news, renegotiating for more
money.

The auto companies want in on the free ride too.

This what happens in Washington when speed
is valued over substance. It's what happens
when bills involving billions are rammed through
in what amounts to a matter of hours.

This is what happens when all the cagey
Washington veterans see a big fat pitch coming
into their power zone thrown by those who don't
quite know all there is to know about pitching.

It's what baseballers would call a spitter, a ball
that looks just like an ordinary fastball, except
for a small piece of slime that makes it jest a
tetch different.

In this case the bailout bill gave the bankers a
wee little advantage, again. And further bailout
bills will help them some more. With the
government handing money out like it's Christmas,
they won't even have to absorb any of their
colossally bad loans. Meanwhile, in addition to
the handouts they'll be receiving, you can bet
your bottom dollar that they'll be raising fees
on everything possible.

A week or two ago I made a rare appearance
at my bank to deposit a check. I didn't have a
deposit check with me, and the teller tried to
charge me $7.50 to make a deposit to my own
account. I must say I didn't react very well to the
proposal, and my reply almost reduced her to
tears, whereupon I asked for a bank manager. I
apologized to the teller, (they don't make policy),
and communicated my dissatisfaction to the
manager in a highly vocal way.

The manager, a bit of a dunderhead, tried to
explain and justify the fee, then rolled over when
I didn't buy in to his argument. The fee was waived,
on what he said was a one time basis, whereupon
I replied that I was thinking of pulling all my accounts,
business and personal, on a one time basis.

That pretty much ended that.

But it won't be that easy with the economy and
all these Ivy League thieves, who like sleeper
cells lie waiting in the dark halls of Congress
until they are called to action. Then they do t
heir dirty work and vanish, leaving the taxpayers
with the bill.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

thejamesrwhelanagency.com
206 407 3124

We have elected a new President and the
markets are still going around like a spinning
top. The newspeople reported today on the
the job loss report like we should all be
dressed in black and standing around the
coffins.

The truth is, that we have been in bad
situations before, and we have risen
above them. I'm old enough to remember
Jimmy Carter, and that was a real disaster.
Unemployment hit 9% under the Peanut
Farmer, and interest rates were over 20%.
Inflation was running at 12%, and we had
a host of other problems.

Now it seems as though our biggest
problem is deciding which thief to give
money too.

Should we give it to the bankers, the
insurance companies, the states, the
large cities, or should we just let some
of these no account dirtballs fall?

I say we don't give anybody anything
until some folks hit the hoosegow. That
would include CEO's, CFO's, and
Congressmen and Senators. No money
without some people paying a price.

But it won't happen.

It won't happen because easy money was
part of the Democratic Party strategy. It
started with Clinton and Greenspan, was
continued by Barney Frank, and Tom Dodd,
and many others, including the newly elected
President. In fact easy money put the new
President in the White House.

When the easy money scenario started to
come unglued, it was blamed on W, who will
be blamed for everything under the sun for
the next few years, because he isn't there,
and part of the scene.

Believe me, there's plenty to blame him for,
but this financial mess is truly a Democratic
debacle. They started it, they maintained it,
and now they are doling out rewards to their
friends.

They say they have to do it, to save the
economy, to save the country, to save jobs,
apple pie, and bowling. But the truth is they
have to do it because a bunch of idiots tinkered
with the economy and lost. The used the
economy as a grand social experiment with
no basis in reality and they took it in the shorts.

Or we did.

Maybe some more people will get interested
in whats really going on. But with 55% of the
people voting to let Obama be the new Santa
Claus, I don't think anythings going to get fixed
fast, or correctly.

My advice, get a good quality coat, because
there are storms on the horizon.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
Chairman of the Board

P.S. Penn State loses to Iowa tomorrow in a
smash mouth game.

thejamesrwhelanagency.com
206 407 3124

A few weeks ago I wrote about a cocky, wet
behind the ears kid who dropped out of college
and in the space of less than 24 months is on
track to earn over a million buckaluckas in the
next year.

My friend Nate Rifkin has a new book out, and
he is swimming upstream against the current
economic and political climate. His book is
entitled, "GO FOR GREED!"

So...needless to say, Nate won't be getting
invited to any inaugural parties to start out his
new year. It doesn't really matter because he
hates Washington, D.C., anyway, and would
much rather be in Manhattan.

"Never trust a town where the pizza is lousy," is
what he always says to me. "And the place is an
absolute fashion disaster. Look at that dress
Michele Obama wore to the victory speech the
other night. Now all the women in Washington will
be looking like STOP signs."

My young friend is cocky, and opinionated, and
I like it. Not only that, being able to get on the
millionaire track at his age means he's on to
something, and maybe, just maybe, you should
listen to him.

But you can't be a namby pamby, or easily
offended by what he says. Their just ain't any in
between. You'll either love him or hate him, and
he's gonna be just fine either way.

He has enough friends, and he's actually looking
to get rid of some, so he won't be offended if you
don't join his party. Or Book Club, or bowling team.
And the last time I talked to him his girlfriend was on
her way out, so there's an opening there.

(That is if you have a job, and want to take him
out. If you prove you are worthy, he might return
the favor, but don't be surprised if he doesn't call.)

It's all part of the Greedmaster's scene.

In order to attract, you must repel.

If you don't know what that means, you need to
read his brilliant new book, "GO FOR GREED!"

You can find it at:

http://www.goforgreed.com

But let me remind you once again, the
Greedmaster is not for everyone. If you have
issues, the Greedmaster is not for you. If you're
a socialist, and believe in spreading the wealth,
the Greedmaster is not for you. If you answer
everything with a Bible verse, the Greedmaster
is probably not your cup of tea. If you are easily
offended by jokes about religion, sex, democrats,
and fat people, the Greedmaster will trip your
control trigger more often than you need it.

But if you are confident, self assured, want to
make bushels of cash, and feel good about it,
then you owe it to yourself to get a copy of
"GO FOR GREED!"

http:www.//goforgreed.com

The Greedmaster sayeth what he thinketh
with no in betweeneth.

And his income goes...UP every day. Put
that in your veggie sandwich and chaw on
it a while.

From the big saddle,

Jim Whelan
The Chairman of the Board

P.S. I've officially "CHAIRMANIZED" Nate's
book, "GO FOR GREED." You can't get a
higher honor than that from me. So buy it
if you dare, and get "CHAIRMANIZED!" You
heard it here first!

I think I hear Oprah calling...SUI!